Everything Works

I'm reading a book that justifies my theory that "everything works when you work for it" with Autism. It's called Overcoming Autism written by the cofounder of the Autism Research Center at the University of California at Santa Barbara.

She says:

"everything you do will make a difference. There's a lot you can do for your child, more than you may be aware of right now . . . There are no miracles. It would be nice if a nonverbal kid suddenly started talking in sentences, if a self-injurious kid suddenly decided he preferred playing the piano to hitting himself in the head, and if a withdrawn boy suddenly realized that it's fun to play with other kids. Of course, none of that's going to happen.

"The good news, though, is that if you remove "suddenly" from the previous paragraph, it's a completely different story, because we have seen all these things happen. They just didn't happen suddenly or out of the blue - they were the result of hard work."

Now that we've been combining a variety of approaches to Holden, it seems like he's making a lot of progress. Everyone from his teachers to his therapists are really encouraged by the amount of progression he's exhibiting. His task persistence is still low, but it's getting better. His language and sentence structure is getting more complex, he is jabbering less. His temper tantrums are shorter and I'm getting better and figuring out why they're happening and helping him avoid them. And he's interacting socially far more than I've ever seen.

So here's what we're trying right now (in addition to Speech Therapy, Occupational Therapy, GF/GAPS diet, and my in-home ABA sessions.

Drum Therapy



We listen to Shamanic drumming music every morning and dinner time. Those two times are the typically the hardest times of the day for Holds. Our OT recommended we get drumming music because it's beat is similar to the beat of a heart. And it helps kids with Autism regulate their nervous system. It helps calm them down. We listen to it in the morning as we show him his schedule, make breakfast and get dressed. And then either at dinner time or before bedtime, he likes to hear it again. Drum therapy just basically reduced stress and tension - which is good for all of us.

Picture Schedules



I bought a laminating machine a couple weeks ago and have been a laminating queen. I searched Mr. Google for all the activities and places and things we do throughout the day to help Holden know what his day looks like. He used to have meltdowns every day when I'd try to explain where we were going. People with autism have a hard time with concepts they can't see. This has cut down on tantrums SIGNIFICANTLY. He does so much better when he can see what's coming.

He's such a literal kid that the first time I used our lunch picture, he saw what his actual lunch was and said "no, want this lunch" - it took a few times before he started accepting these were symbolic and the reality doesn't have to be exact. :)

Essential Oils



I never thought I would use essential oils, but I sort of love them right now. I only have a few. We use Cedarwood and Lavender mostly. Lavender is calming and soothing to the nervous system, but also an antisceptic, anti-inflammatory, and bunch of other things, which is why they call it the Mother of all Oils. We put lavender on Holden's pillowcase and rub it on his feet at night or any time I can calm him.



I used Cedarwood on the back of his head on the top of his spine. It's supposed to help open up his limbic system and help his concentration and focus.

Cell Phone Timer



Several therapists recommend a timer for behavior problems. 90% of Holden's tantrums are around transitions. He has a hard time, even with a picture schedule, transitioning from one activity/place to another. I used to count, give him warnings, say he has 5 minutes left, etc. but this method has been the most effective. I tell him how many minutes he can play for, then show him the timer and let him push the start button. So far, it's the best thing ever. I just need to remember to use it!

Holden and his Giant Memory

Like many autistic kids, Holden has a knack of reciting lines from movies and songs. I got a book at the library our SLP recommended called "Polar Bear Polar Bear, What do you Hear?" and it had an audio CD with it. After the first time he listened to it, Holden started reciting it back to me.

He loves reciting it to anybody who will listen. And he even does the part of the book where the narrator says: "want to read along? When you hear this sound (ding) please turn the page." And then starts all the way over. But he's very tired here so he just does it once. But still, it's cute.



He has started to generalize this with other animals and will ask them what they hear (Eg "Dinosaur, dinosaur, what do you here?") and then make up sounds for them, which is very encouraging. In fact, his imagination has been improving a lot. In the pool the other day he said he was a crocodile. Every time he does pretend play it's like a little ray of hope and sunshine.

Our Autism Diet: GAPS and Gluten Free

You might think I eat, breathe and drink autism, based on my posts. I asked Wes if he thinks people will think we're obsessed. He says this blog is a great way to document what's going on and that it is really beneficial for us. Even if nobody else reads it.

I keep getting asked how our GAPS diet is going. Well the truth is, I jumped off the full GAPS wagon weeks ago. And I've been trying to find myself ever since. I left because I lost too much weight on the diet and lost my milk. Fitz was crying every time I nursed and I didn't realize why until I pumped and created next to nothing! So my dear friend told me to go get a shake. Which I did.

So here's what we're doing. We are on a mostly Modified GAPS/Gluten Free/Whole Foods diet. I hate the word diet - it drives me to overdose on Snickers and cookies. There needs to be another word.

The GAPS diet has been amazing for what it is taught us. I like it so much better than the "Autism Diet" which is Gluten Free/Casein Free. Commercially-made gluten free foods are jam packed with starches and weird ingredients like xantham gum and disaccharides. Even homemade ingredients have a lot of sugar and starches. How can that be better than wheat and spelt? And I get that some people really do have allergies to gluten (Celiac disease) but Holden (unlike most autistic people, apparently) has never had any digestive issues. So it's hard to know if he really needs the GAPS diet or even the GFCF diet. Whereas the GAPS diet is amazingly healthful: no sugar, just meat, veggies, fruits, honey, and homemade dairy products.

But sometimes I just need some darn grains. And dessert!

So anyway, here's where we're at: we eat mostly GAPS foods - eggs, meat, vegetables, nuts and nut butter, fruit, honey, and yogurt (I can't figure out lacto-fermented vegetables). Occasionally we eat gluten-free foods/desserts like chicken nuggets, chocolate flourless cake, and pasta. And super duper rarely we might eat sourdough wheat bread, that I have yet to make but keep thinking about.



Here are foods that Holden eats eagerly:
Banana pancakes
Butternut pancakes
Nut butter bread
Sunbutter
Honey
Chicken
Hamburgers (bunless)
Scrambled eggs
Carrots
Juice
Grapes
Raisins
Raspberries
Strawberries
Sausage
Bacon
Zucchini bread (GAPS)
Apples
Frozen Yogurt

Foods he eats with some persuasion
Cooked carrots
Zucchini
Squash
Bananas
Green Smoothies
Lettuce
Pot Roast
Pork
Salmon

Foods he still will not touch
Potatoes
Broth
Cabbage
Applesauce
Yogurt

Echolalia and Speech Therapy

I had this "aha" moment the other day when I was reading more about echolalia. Echolalia is when a person echoes a word or sentence that someone (or even something like a TV) speaks. For a really good paper on it, go here.

Many high-functioning autistic adults say that nouns and verbs make sense to them because they can picture what that is. Literally they see a picture of "jumping" and know what someone is talking about. But filler words have no meaning. Words and concepts like "Will, faith, To Be, etc" have no concrete visuals to assign to it and therefore are much more difficult to process.

After reading that if FINALLY made sense why H. can't say YES! The word yes has absolutely no meaning for him. He doesn't say it because it has not value to him. When I ask him "Do you want carrots?" he looks at me and says "carrots." No matter how hard we work on having him answer yes, it is the noun or the verb that describes what he wants that he answers with. When he was little(er) he would come bring his toys to us and say their name, like "Woody!" We would answer "yea" or nod our heads. And it was like this response wasn't good enough - he would just stand there and say "Woody! Woody. Woody" until we responded with "Woody." He was looking for confirmation that he was naming something correctly and that he got it right and us nodding or saying "yea" had absolutely no weight because it doesn't mean anything to him. He wanted us to say the name of what it is.

Now that I grasp this, it makes it much easier to see if from his perspective. It would be like going up to someone in a foreign land saying "Is this a bathroom?" and having them respond "QPDRUVG." We would just sit there and say, "so is that a yes or a no - is this a bathroom? Bathroom?" Until they responded in a way we could understand, hopefully with an affirmative "bathroom."

Getting H. to assign a value to the word Yes is one of the things we are working with a Speech Pathologist on. It is super unnatural for him so we're working hard on it. He's actually pretty good at "no" for the most part so it's just transitioning him away from repeating the noun or verb that he is favoring and does want for the word yes.

Most people who see H. in public don't know he's autistic. He's high-functioning, imitates other kids, plays with other kids (for the most part), and is super friendly. He's a happy kid and other kids seem to like him (thankfully). It is when you try to have a conversation with him that something clicks and you're like "ok there's something different here."

Here's are some definitions of echolalia and examples from our home:

DEFINITION
Echolalia is reflective of how the child processes information. The child with autism processes information as a whole "chunk" without processing the individual words that comprise the utterance. In processing these unanalyzed "chunks" of verbal information, many children with autism also process part of the context in which these words were stated, including sensory and emotional details. Some common element from this original situation is then triggered in the current situation which elicits the child's echolalic utterance.

EXAMPLE
Me: "Do you like Buzz Lightyear?"
H: "Buzz Lightyear, the coolest toy ever! He shoots lasers..." etc (I don't remember the whole line, but it's from Toy Story 3)

DEFINITION
Conversational turn taking: The child recognizes when he is to take a conversational turn and that some sort of response is required. However, the child lacks the spontaneous generative language to engage in the conversation, so he relies upon an echolalic utterance to take his "turn" in the conversation.

EXAMPLE:
Me: "H. how was school today?"
H: "Learn 'bout numbers and letters."

DEFINITION
Initiation of communicative interactions: The child is beginning to recognize and notice others. Because he lacks the spontaneous generative language skills to initiate a communicative interaction with someone, he uses an echolalic utterance.

EXAMPLE
Friend: I'm xxxx, and I'm 3
H.: "Hi, my name is H. about spring is flowers" (in school he memorized a line to say when they held up his name. Now we can't get him to stop repeating the entire line - which is missing "my favorite thing"...before the spring part.

DEFINITION
Utterances that may be used as self-direction for his own actions.

EXAMPLE
He self-talks all the time to help get through tough situations.
Me: "It's time for bed"
H: "Park! Park! Park!"
Me: "No right now it's time for bed."

Later.....
H: "It's time to jump in bed." or "You can go to the park after you take a nap"

DEFINITION
Indicating affirmation in response to a previous utterance

EXAMPLE
Me: "Did you have a nice nap?"
H: "Did you have a nice nap?"

DEFINITION
Requesting: The child uses echolalia to request a desired object, action or event.

EXAMPLE
Teacher: "Do you want ranch with your broccoli?"
H: "Do you want ranch with your broccoli?"

The great thing about echolalia is that is can be a really positive sign because if he can echo he can talk. And at least he has language. The key is turning that language into conversations that make sense to both the utterer and the receiver. H. loves his SLP and is so good about going, playing, talking, and cleaning up at the end. He's really getting the hang of it! And we learn how to help him better. It's been really good.

Sensory Integration Dysfunction and Heavy Lifting

I took Holds to get evaluated by an Occupational Therapist this week. My fabulous friend Stacey recommended I take him to an OT to get a "sensory diet" for him. Holden has always been sensitive to sound. He covers his ears and gets really anxious around loud noises or anything he thinks is scary. And he gets easily over-stimulated around a lot of people. He does a good job of dealing with that, though - in my opinion. Instead of throwing a huge tantrum like a lot of autistic children, he just goes off in a corner or away from the crowd to give himself a time-out.

Anyway, so I really liked the OT. She was good at earning his trust and teaching me what she was doing at the same time. She uses the Jean Ayres method from what I understand, which is to incorporate deep pressure and slow vestibular stimulation done on a swing - while encouraging speech and social interaction (but making it fun). The theory here is that autistic kids (and other kids with sensory integration problems) have nervous systems that don't give them correct information. So they're in a state of fight or fright over any little thing because they're nervous system isn't telling them "hey, this isn't that big of a deal - this is not a threat."

In "Thinking in Pictures," Temple Grandin talks about sensory processing for herself and many autistic people she's interviewed. It's fascinating. So many people thing autism is merely a psychological disorder, but there are usually biological reasons for why they do what they do. For example, she says "When two people are talking at once, it is difficult for me to screen out one voice and listen to the other. My ears are like microphones picking up all sounds with equal intensity. In a noisy place I can't understand speech, because I cannot screen out the background noise. When I was a child, large noisy gatherings of relatives were overwhelming, and I would just lose control and throw temper tantrums."

And then she says "Overly sensitive skin can also be a big problem. Shampooing actually hurt my scalp. It was as if the fingers rubbing my head had sewing thimbles on them. Scratchy petticoats were like sandpaper scraping away at raw nerve endings. In fact I couldn't tolerate changes in clothing altogether. When I got accustomed to pants, I could not bear the feeling of bare legs when I wore a skirt...Most people adapt in several minutes, but it still takes me at least two weeks to adapt."

Holden doesn't have (from what I can tell) visual problems and he looks people in the eyes when he really wants something, but this is also really interesting: "Fluorescent lighting causes severe problems for many autistic people, because they can see a sixty-cycle flicker. For Donna Williams reflections bounced off everything, and the room looked like an animated cartoon. . . . Distorted visual images may possibly explain why some children with autism favor peripheral vision. They may receive more reliable information when they look out of the corners of their eyes."

It is SO interesting how many kids (not with autism) have sensory issues. It's great that Occupational Therapy and sensory diets can help sensory mixing and calm down heightened senses.

Our OT recommended we do deep pressure hug therapy with Holds throughout the day. Some autistic kids HATE being touched, but we're lucky with Holden. He'll let us touch him and loves hugging baby Fitz. But with others it's usually a no-go. In fact, he said "ouch that hurts me!" when this one therapist at the school district touched his arm.

She also instructed us to encourage him to do Heavy Lifting every hour. She explained that it's just like how I feel after a good workout where I've really used my muscles. Heavy Lifting sends a wave of calm to the nervous system and over time it should even Holden out so he feels more relaxed and less anxious and scared.

We got right to it! He's been carrying groceries, lifting up his toys to put them away, climbing, playing at the playgrounds, running, lifting actual weights, and anything else we can come up with.

The Stuff I'm Figuring Out

I wish I had known about Holden's autism earlier. Not so much for early intervention, but just so I could have been a more understanding parent. I'm sure most parents feel like they don't know what's going on with their kid, but for me it was one of the most pervasive feelings. It explains a lot of things:

It explains why he didn't like to be held as a baby and would cry when I tried to hold him in my sling or stiffen up when I tried to put lotion on him. He was his most content happy self when he was sitting alone in his chair.

It explains why me taking him to San Antonio when he was 18 months old was such a torturous trip (for us both). I just couldn't understand why he didn't connect with my family at all. Or why he was so frazzled the whole time. It makes sense now. Change is just excruciatingly hard for him.

It explains the hour-long scream fests in the middle of the night when he was utterly inconsolable. And why his frustration levels go from 0-60 in a 1/2 second.

It explains why he was the only kid at play-dates that would come unglued at the end of them. I seriously just stopped going to them because Holden couldn't leave without an enormous tantrum. At least one of us left in tears every time we went anywhere. I just seriously stopped taking him places by myself. I was afraid to. Transitions were just impossible.

And it makes it totally understandable why he HATES the Lehi Legacy center pool when the big bucket and bell goes off every 10 minutes and splashes water. The noise and the commotion are complete agony to his hyper-sensitive senses.

I speak in past-tense because now that I know more about ASD I am becoming a much better parent. Understanding Holden has brought so much clarity into our lives. I used to be so embarrassed when Holden would tell someone who just came to our house to leave. Actually, he didn't understand leave so he would say "STAY HERE! STAY HERE!" meaning "go away" and people probably thought he was so rude and we were rude for having a rude boy. But now we just try to prepare him for when people (we know of) come to the house and he handles it fine (usually). I'm reading Thinking In Pictures
right now and am learning so much. Temple Grandin is amazing.

Holden is such a bright, beautiful boy. I love him so much and am thankful to be ever-learning more about him and how to be a better mom to him. It has taken me a while to get here, but I'm ok with him being autistic. At first I was shocked, then angry, then really sad. But I am ok with now. I don't want to train the autism out of him. I absolutely adore that boy and I believe he - like me and everyone else - has a purpose here and it's my job to help him fulfill his mission. It's just my job to see that he gets all the resources and help he needs to be as healthy, happy and high-functioning in this crazy world as possible. And I'm learning a lot on the way.

The Trouble With School

This week sucked. I'll just come out and say that. Some days are good and some days are hard, and this week the hard days overcame the good. We met with Autism Journeys. It's a therapy place in Lehi for kids with autism. They focus on socialization skills mostly, using Floor Time and kind of downplayed ABA therapy. The people were nice but it didn't feel right. So far, we've been implementing ABA therapy using this website the Psychologist at the Pingree school recommended and it's really great. I think this may be the best approach for Holds. We have an appointment this week with the school district to see what they can recommend for him. Anyway, so after he went there he was just so keyed up - that night he was just a crazy person. He gets really stressed out when anything or any place is introduced. Especially one that is stressful or intimidating.

Anyway, so then this week he had a program at his preschool. So far this school has been awesome for him. They are very structured, the teachers are AWESOME, it's regimented so he's used to it, they are really sweet to him and encouraging, and it's really nice. Dr. Peterson said as long as he's experiencing "wins" there, keep him there. He said the Pingree school is better for kids who are less high-functioning. But if he regresses, we should consider it. Did I mention that this Pingree school is $25,500 for a year? For preschool. My entire University education - including my stint at Cambridge University - was less than that.

Anyway, I'm getting off point. So I went to his preschool Spring program and it was just absolutely heartbreaking. Holden just got so scared that all the parents were there. It was completely overwhelming for him. He barely engaged in the songs. And he burst into tears the moment it was over and begged to go home.



That night he peed his pants twice. I think it's because he was just stressed out. I know that happens to 3 year olds occasionally, but it never happens to Holden. He's too big of a perfectionist. He hates making mistakes so it made it even more traumatic for him.

That's all. I'm sad this week. And that's all there is to say today.

The Assessment

I'm happy to report that Holds is doing very well on the full GAPS diet. Intro/detox was hard but he's thriving on the full diet. He sits happily eating carrots, drinking beet/carrot/lettuce/apple juice, cheese and meat. Now that there is a variety, he's happy. And I love the fruit is a huge reward to him.

Me? It's not as easy. I've been sick and tired all week. I caught a cold and had a bunch of other issues I will not disturb you with. Wes just feels achy. But I have to admit that most of my issues are mental. It's REALLY hard to make every single meal from scratch. It's tiring. It takes so much time. I work for 10ish hours a day and then cook for another 4. But seeing Holden actually eat things that are super healthy for him is a big payoff. But I have a lot of sympathy for people who have to go gluten free now. Baked goods just don't turn out the same using coconut and almond flour. But at least I have my sour cream :)

We've been doing this diet for a week and I'm hoping it starts feeling a little more normal soon. Today was a great day. We had hamburgers for dinner wrapped in lettuce, rather than a bun. Holden ate 3! They were so good.

Anyway - that's the diet update.

Today we met with the psychologist at the Carmen B. Pingree school. Everyone there was so unbelievably kind. I loved it there. They have a really long waiting list, but the doctor thinks Holden is too high-functioning for the school anyway. At least for now. But I got on the list anyway, in case he regresses or something. He told us what we already knew - Holden has high-functioning Autism Spectrum Disorder.

He has trouble emotionally and socially connecting with others, particularly his peers. Jabber is 70% of his language base, but he didn't score as language deficient because he just barely passes. The doctor encouraged us to use ABA therapy to help close the gap between what he's doing and what other kids his age are doing. Same thing for what he's not doing that other kids can do. When he was talking I just kept remembering all the things I studied being a Psychology major. I mean we focused mostly on Behaviorism at USU but it seems so counter-intuitive when it's your kid and not a pigeon or a lab rat that I'm working with.

But he gave us a lot of great advice and information to consider. We have several more appointments this month and then we'll be able to make our decision on the best therapy for him.

GAPS Intro Diet: Stage 1 - 3

We started our Intro to GAPS diet this weekend, on Friday. Holden woke up and immediately asked for "chockit milk" to which I replied "Holden, remember chocolate milk was part of the toxic jungle, so we threw it out in the garbage?!" His face fell. And he ran to the door and said "open the door, open the door!" I don't doubt that if he had been allowed outside in the freezing cold he would have figured out a way to climb inside the garbage to retrieve his cereal and chocolate milk.

The first day wasn't bad. I had a work lunch and had to sit and drink water while everyone had Iggy's, but I had eaten my homemade chicken veggie soup before and I was satisfied. Holden skipped breakfast but then finally ate some soup with Wes for lunch. I was sick of chicken soup after just one day of it for every meal and decided to make a different kind of soup. Holden skipped that as well.

Here's our GAPS Diet Intro: Stage 1 menu

Breakfast – Chicken Soup (chicken, carrots, squash, zucchini, garlic) w/ sour cream
Snack – Ginger tea with honey
Lunch – Chicken Soup (chicken, carrots, squash, zucchini, garlic) w/ sour cream
Snack – Chicken Broth
Dinner – Farmer’s Market Chicken (rutabaga, roma tomatoes, parsnips, leeks, baby spinach leaves). w/ sour cream
Snack – Sour cream with honey

And probiotics - therapeutic strength.

GAPS Intro Diet Stage 2
Saturday was a different story. I woke up with my heart racing so fast it was like I had sprinted for a mile. I couldn't calm it down. I was shaking really bad and I just kept thinking "Whelp, this is die-off" I threw up and everything and was just really, really weak most of the day. And then I did what any responsible 30ish mom would do: I called my mother. Who came promptly and took care of me and my boys. My dad worked on my garden and my mom helped us all day. They're amazing. Holden slept in until 10:30 and was irrational and frustrated all day. And he put himself on a starvation diet - not eating anything. We could barely get him to drink water. Apparently this is somewhat common. There are a lot of blogs out there where people are talking about getting through GAPS and kids just don't like change. It's really tough.

Where was Wes in all this? Wes has not experience ANY die-off symptoms, which means he has a good balance of the good bacteria. He thinks this is due to the 2 years he spent in Bulgaria drinking yogurt for every meal. Makes sense to me. Here's what I ate on Stage 2 (we are moving through the intro pretty quickly.)

Here's our GAPS Diet Intro: Stage 2 menu

Breakfast – Cooked vegetables with soft boiled eggs
Snack – Mint tea w/ honey
Lunch – Farmer’s Market Chicken (rutabaga, roma tomatoes, parsnips, leeks, baby spinach leaves). Serve with avocado, soft boiled eggs, and yogurt.
Snack – Chicken broth
Dinner – Farmer’s Market Chicken (leftover) with eggs
Snack – Sour cream with honey

We backed off the probiotics on Holds on Sunday (day 3) to see if that helped. He was still very weak from not eating anything. He still refused the broth and soup. His general language was unintelligible today. He screamed in jabber and muttered a lot. It was frightening. I tried to catch it on video but he stopped right before I took this.



We got him to eat a few bites of chicken today. And for supper he had a few bites of chicken soup and vegetables and we rewarded him with some strawberries.

Here's our GAPS Diet Intro: Stage 3 menu

Breakfast – Smoothie (2 eggs, fresh apple juice, carrot juice, and yogurt)
Snack – Soft boiled eggs and mint tea
Lunch – Swedish Gravlax (skinless, boneless salmon fillet, salt, water, honey, and ground pepper – leave at room temperature for 1-1 ½ hours). Mashed cauliflower.
Dinner – Chicken Tortilla Soup (chicken broth, stewed tomatoes, chicken, sweet pepper, avocado, cilantro, egg yolk and sour cream) with a couple strawberries
Snack – Pancakes (made with eggs, sunbutter, and zucchini) with honey.

Finally this evening I made the "pancakes" that's recommended on Stage 4 just to see what they were like. Holden saw me eating one and jumped off the couch. He hate one, then wanted another, then 2 more! I was SO happy to see him eating something. He went to bed full and I am going to bed more at ease!

Nausicaa and the Toxic Jungle

Dear Princess Nausicaa -

I wanted you to know that you helped me rid my house of cereal and processed junk today for my 3 year old son. My son Holden is Autistic, we think. And we're starting a very strict new way of eating, called the GAPS diet (Gut and Psychology System Diet). We are starting the diet tomorrow and had to rid our house of all the rest of the food we were hanging onto until the VERY LAST MINUTE. Namely, cereal and chocolate milk.

I couldn't have done it without you. As I was making my first batch of wholesome and organic chicken vegetable soup, I started talking to my son about how we're going to have to throw the cereal in the garbage. He started a major scream-fest, which is normal for him. But then your plight popped into my head. Holden LOVES your stories from the Valley of the Wind. He's constantly chattering about the Giant Warrior (pronounced by him "giant warriah!" and the "om shells" and the "toxic jungle."

So I started an elaboration and told him that cereal is part of the toxic jungle! It's actually making us sick and we need to throw it away and give it back to the Giant Warrior. Holden looked at me, quite interested in this idea and started talking about the toxic jungle too and how we need to keep the Giant Warrior buried beneath the earth.

Suddenly, he calls out to me "I'm stuck, I'm stuck, put the cereal in the garbage." He wanted to get down and throw the cereal away - all on his own! So we went outside talking about getting rid of the toxic cereal and he dumped his favorite cereal right in the garbage! Then I gave him the next box, and the next and he did the same. Then we came inside and I explained to him that chocolate milk was part of the Toxic Jungle too! We raced back outside and he threw the toxic chocolate milk into the garbage to pacify the Giant Warrior.

I think he'll be a little sad tomorrow when he can't have these favorites anymore, but I want to tell you how grateful I am for your help. I couldn't have done it without you. I also love your strong, confident spirit, your strong moral code and your fearless leadership. Holden and I are faithful servants to you, Princess.

Love and admiration,

Amber

I Can't Believe I Just Ate That Much Sour Cream

So I made my own sour cream yesterday. It's part of the GAPS diet that we are starting on Friday. Did you hear that? Friday. Are you ready for this? We're so ready for this. We cleaned out our pantry this weekend. Here's what that looked like.



Anyway, so back to the sour cream. You have to make sour cream from scratch because dairy items at the store haven't been fermented long enough to aid the digestion process. It's so easy to make and totally tastes amazing. You basically bring a liter of cream to a boil, then cool it down and add the yogurt culture. Then let it ferment for 24+ hours.

In what I've read Dr. Natasha Campbell-McBride talks about sour cream like it's ice cream - she says you can add it with fruit for a delicious dessert. Every time I read that I just thought "gross!" Who wants to eat sour cream for dessert?

But then I made it and it's AMAZING. Well anything made from cream is amazing, so I guess even sour cream is delicious. Here's where I made a mistake - it tasted like such creamy wonderfulness that I put it in a cup, mixed it with some chocolate rice milk and had a little indulgence last night.

I put it in a cup and drank it.

I drank sour cream.

I drank a glassful of probiotic sour cream.

Needless to say, I spent A LOT of time in the bathroom today. Wes said to me "sour cream is a condiment, Amber, not a drink!" Today I went and re-read those sections of the book and you're supposed to introduce fermented dairy 1-2 teaspoons a day at first until your body gets used to it, eventually getting up to 1 cup a day.

Yea, I just sort of dive right into things.

Mother's Day Giveway: AKA "Who has the grossest mom car?"

I'll be honest. One of my favorite things about Facebook is the giveaways. In case you haven't noticed, companies are willing to give away A LOT in order to get fans to "like" their page - and they require VERY LITTLE in return. How hard it is to "like" a page? Or post a picture?

Here's one that I know about (cause I work for Saxton Horne): Larry H. Miller dealerships in Utah are giving away EACH a full car detail, valued at $200. It's called the: Mother’s Day CAR DETAIL Contest. AKA-- “Who Has the Grossest Mom-Car?”

Here’s how it works:
Step 1 - Submit a pic of your dirty car to any Larry H. Miller dealership
Step 2 - Tag yourself in the photo
Step 3 - Comment on your picture: “Help me win a Mother’s Day car detail from Larry H. Miller by liking this photo! Thanks guys!”
Whoever gets the most “likes” on their photo WINS!

My Explorer is pretty bad. Holden constantly kicks the back of the passenger seat causing skid marks all over it. And although we TRY not to eat in the car, it still gets corroded with dirt. And there is a strange sticky substance all over the back seat. I don't even want to know that that's about. And car seats RUIN leather. I know I'm not the only one in desperate need of a car detail.

SO go to one of these links (only one per person).


RCD - http://www.facebook.com/pages/Larry-H-Miller-Chrysler-Jeep-Dodge-Ram-Riverdale/196956963657196
MBL - http://www.facebook.com/LHMMercedesBenzLindon
LLX - http://www.facebook.com/pages/Larry-H-Miller-Lexus-Lindon/181212408588977
PCD - http://www.facebook.com/pages/Larry-H-Miller-Chrysler-Jeep-Dodge-Ram-Provo/122863427790511
PFL - http://www.facebook.com/pages/Larry-H-Miller-Ford-Lincoln-Provo/167531929963163
PCH - http://www.facebook.com/pages/Larry-H-Miller-Chevrolet-Provo/107854715966097?sk=wall
UCO - http://www.facebook.com/pages/Larry-H-Miller-Used-Car-Supermarket-Orem/132058436862731
BNT - http://www.facebook.com/larryhmillerbountiful
LEX - http://www.facebook.com/LHMLexusMurray
MUR - http://www.facebook.com/pages/Larry-H-Miller-Toyota-Scion-Murray/148856378480732
CHV - http://www.facebook.com/LarryHMillerChevrolet
HON - http://www.facebook.com/LHMHondaMurray
SFO - http://www.facebook.com/LarryHMillerFordSaltLakeCity
SFL - http://www.facebook.com/LarryHMillerFordLincolnSandy
LCJ - http://www.facebook.com/larryhmillerchryslerjeep
JSH - http://www.facebook.com/Stockton12Honda

Olivanders at 5 Months

Oliver Fitzgerald Warren is an UNBELIEVABLE baby. Like so good that I feel guilty bragging about how good he is. I feel like I need to convince you that I would still totally adore him if he fussed all the time and was high-maintenance. Because I totally would - but he is just the sweetest baby ever. He sleeps well, smiles all the time, loves to laugh - he even seems to enjoy it when Holds smothers him with kisses and laughs really loud in his ear.

He's incredible. If you haven't met him, you need to. Seeing him smile is like getting a 10,000 iu dose of Vitamin D. He's pure joy.

Gut and Psychology Syndrome

Do you have an open mind? I'm just saying - if you are reading this, I would suggest an open mind. The reality is that Wes and I are willing to try ANYTHING to help Holden succeed in life and be as productive, healthy and happy as possible.

As I've been researching Autism, one of the most influential theories I've read is the Gut and Psychology Syndrome. It's a theory by Dr. Natasha Campbell-McBride, a Russian/English Neurologist/Nutritionist who believes that the reason so many kids have autism, food allergies, ADHD, etc is because of improper gut flora. You should read her paper on it to get a quick feel for the theory and what she's found in working with hundreds of Autistic kids.

She just published a book, called Gut And Psychology Syndrome. Natural Treatment Of Autism, ADHD, Dyslexia, Dyspraxia, Depression And Schizophrenia and check out this and it focuses just on Autism. I've even read on her website gaps.me that it's a great treatment for celiac and food allergies.

If you want to hear a quick introduction to her GAPS theory and hear her speak, check out this YouTube video.

The GAPS diet she recommends sounds pretty extreme at first, but that's just the introduction diet. The Full GAPS diet is basically eating healthy foods and avoiding additives that we all know we should avoid anyway, but we don't.

Her intro diet is casein and gluten free, but she slowly allows the introduction of other foods like raw milk and raw cheeses that have natural forms of casein.

Side note - it FREAKS me out that casein, a natural milk protein, has been taken out of where it is naturally found (breast milk, animal milk, etc) and been put into EVERYTHING. It's the same thing with gluten. Foods that have NO RIGHT to have gluten in it, have gluten in it. Did you know they put casein in hot dogs to plump them up? Deli meat? There isn't ONE food at McDonald's that doesn't have casein in it. It's seriously so unnatural and freaky what food scientists have done to our food.

So the GAPS diet is a purist diet - it seals the gut to prevent leaky gut syndrome and promotes good bacteria. There are stories out there of people healing their food allergies with this diet, healing autism, ADHD, and all sort of other issues.

We ordered the book and are just waiting for it to come. Y'all might think I'm crazy and this is just pie-in-the-sky. But the reality is - I will do ANYTHING for my son. Even put my entire family on a crazy, restrictive diet. Actually, Wes is just as excited as I am. I'm probably more addicted to sugar than he is, so the die-off period of the bad toxins will probably be worse for me than him.

I think I'm going to keep a videography on it and capture how it goes....

Autism: The Theories Behind the Cause

Every moment that I'm not at work or feeding/playing with my children, I find myself reading about Autism. Wes and I both are obsessed. I realized yesterday, as we were at the Gateway Mall hanging out with the kids, that our every conversation is about autism: what we've read lately, who we've talked to lately about it, which new theories we've researched. I think it will be this way for a long, long time.

We watched a documentary called "Decoding Autism" on Friday night. They went through a variety of theories and tests on it.

I didn't realize that when you have one kid on the spectrum your chances of having another are increased. Great. They talked a lot about whether it's environmental or genetics. Autism affects 1 in 70 boys. Did you know that? That seems high. Why is it so high?

It's a pretty controversial topic, where no one seems to listen to each other. Many doctors think it's genetic*, (*Note that this gene finding only accounts for 15% of autistic children). Parents blame vaccines. Others say it's pollution, toxins in our environment, and others say food allergies.

There are thousands of parents out there who firmly believe that their child was perfectly find and developing language normally but then got the MMR vaccine and regressed right after that. Doctors avidly dispute this, of course, and say it's just a correlation because the age when kids receive the MMR is the same age where autism can finally be noticed. I just find it interesting that everyone is talking and no one is agreeing.

I'll get into all the possible treatments another day, but some parents swear by restricting certain types of foods and that it has cured their children. Doctors say there is no evidence that this is the case. And they are right - because who would pay for a study about how taking out all additive foods can help with autism? KRAFT? I think not.

No, what they ARE spending money on are studies where the medical community benefits for being brilliant.

For example, they are studying brain patterns in little kids with older autistic siblings for early detection. They study electrical stimulation in these toddlers to see if they can identify Autism earlier.

The Institute of Health is funding a project on older kids 8-18 on the spectrum using Repetitive Transcranial Magnetic Stimulation (TMS).

All this research and the fact that everything is still so debatable would be fascinating to me if it weren't MY kid that had it.

Autism Awareness Month

April is Autism Awareness Month. Interesting, since this April is the month we were informed that Holden has Autism Spectrum Disorder. Step one of dealing with a new diagnosis is to let your friends and family know. But it's hard to talk about. We're still trying to process it - what it means, what do to, where to turn, how to deal with it. And I don't really know what to say to anybody else.

Turns out, so far, it's often the case that I tell someone and they're incredulous and they fight the diagnosis TO ME! I feel like I have to stand there and CONVINCE them that my son is retarded. And I don't want to do that.

The reality is that we're so used to him that we've normalized his behavior for years, too. So he prefers to play alone . . . a lot of kids do. So he can't communicate . . . he's only 3. So he doesn't like hugs . . . we have personal space issues too. So he echoes what you say . . . maybe that's normal. So he memorizes shows and uses them in conversations . . . So he throws tantrums all the time . . . So he lines up his toys in a perfect line . . .

You get the gist.

I'm passed the guilt (I think). I'm passed the blame. I am not bursting into tears every 2 hours anymore. I think that means we're in the acceptance phase, which doesn't mean it's easy or anything. I'm just dealing with it by reading everything I can get my hands on. So stay tuned, this blog may turn into my new coping mechanism.

"Of all the animals, the boy is the most unmanageable." - Plato

It's a boy!!! I have to admit that even though I was sure it would be a boy, I secretly hoped I'd be having a girl. Reason #1) I could justify stopping. Why try for a third if I have a boy and a girl? Reason #2) Boys are wild and crazy. There is already too much cave-man like testosterone in my house and with a third I will be super outnumbered. But something happened during the ultra sound a couple weeks ago. It's hard to describe but looking at O. Fitz (baby's name will be Oliver Fitzgerald) in the monitor made me feel like he was exactly the right fit for our family - exactly what we need.

Here are the great things about having another boy:

1) I don't have to buy any new clothes. Let's face it, girls are way more fun to shop for and I'd spend a fortune on my girl. But with another boy, I already have it all.

2) Holden will have a little buddy to show the ropes to. Every boy needs a brother to play pranks on, hang out with, and fight over girls with. They'll like that.

3) An extra shot. If I screw up in raising Holden to be a good boy, I can maybe redeem myself in O. Fitz :)

No but seriously I'm really excited. The first part of this pregnancy was really emotionally hard for me. My last pregnancy ended so sadly that I almost didn't allow myself to get attached to this one. So I had all the sickness and pukiness of pregnancy without any of the hope and expectation. So when I started feeling better and feeling this baby, I finally allowed myself to get excited.

And I am so excited. The ultra sound was beautiful. O. Fitz has Holden's nose (well Wes's nose, really which is just so darn cute) and he was sucking his thumb and moving all over. He's a mover, this one. I have a posterior placenta so I feel everything really clearly, which is great for me.

It feels so right to bring another boy into this family. I am so excited to meet him, but for now I'm happy he's doing so well inside me. Anyway, that's our good news.

Best Friends Best Friends

Holden has a BFF - I never expected him to have one so early on, but he cherishes his friend Harrison so much. Every time we say "Guess who's coming over?" he yells "Hahsson!" Here's why: for the past year and a half (my goodness has it been that long) his mom and I have been doing regular kid swaps. He comes over here once a week for the afternoon and Holds goes over there once a week for the afternoon. It has been one of the best things for the moms and the kids. They play really well together, take naps at the same time, and have so much fun learning and playing together. Plus I've really liked how it's allowed Holden to learn how to share, take turns, and get used to being around other people his age. And sometimes it's totally easier to have a friend over here to play with for Holds so he's occupied than it is with just him - as long as they play well together. And he and Harr are great together. I really feel so lucky that it's worked out so well.



Looking for bugs.

Goodnight Moon

holden has a very strict bedtime regimen now. we used to be able to just drop him in his crib and say a prayer and we were outta there! but now he has to read books to himself for a while (he's especially fond of anything about dinosaurs), then he likes to read Goodnight Moon 123 and then Goodnight Moon. in that order. and then he'll lay down and say prayers. he's so cute. at first, we just read the books to him but now he reads them to us.

this is holds reading Goodnight Moon:

BACK WITH A VENGEANCE

the shift key on my laptop isn't functioning. if i hold it down and press really hard it will work, but it slows my 80 wpm typing considerably, so i'll have to write in lower caps until my awesome husband decides which laptop is perfect for me (he's doing research on it right now even). THE OTHER OPTION IS THIS - BUT I HATE ALL CAPS, IT FEELS LIKE I'M YELLING. and i'm not yelling - promise.

i sat down tonight and decided to start blogging again. i realized that i have missed this holden-and-family-centered blog of mine. i went through it tonight and read the posts i made when i was pregnant with holden. i'm pregnant again with his soon-to-be brother or sister (yay!) and i can't believe how much bigger i am this time around. let's just say i won't be posting any bare belly pictures this time. yikes.

i've missed talking about my beautiful, crazy, wild, loving, smart, silly, sweet, busy boy. in case you've missed him too - here are some pictures of him that wes took in tooele this weekend. we were there to memorialize my grandfather who passed a few months ago.